


have you heard the news that you are dead?

by forthekidswhoaintgotnosoul



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Character Death, Child Abuse, Drug Addiction, Gen, Immortal Klaus Hargreeves, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, Semi-Graphic Descriptions of Violence & Death, Suicidal Thoughts, Temporary Character Death, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, i think thats it?? wooh this is fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:42:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27594983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forthekidswhoaintgotnosoul/pseuds/forthekidswhoaintgotnosoul
Summary: Klaus dies shortly before his thirteenth birthday. Then it gets worse.
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves
Comments: 6
Kudos: 113





	have you heard the news that you are dead?

**Author's Note:**

> listen i have assignments due so obviously i read some of my old drafts nd found this which i actually think is kinda decent so i fixed it up (and did actually . finish my assignments in between)  
> it's not the most original idea lol but i had fun w it  
> while this is tagged as only the tv show bc i find those characterization of the characters easier & write w the show in mind this is still kind of a blend between comic nd tv lol sry if someone gets confused
> 
> lowercase mcr lyrics title i'm being real original

Klaus dies a few weeks before his and his siblings 13th birthday.  
But he doesn't stay dead. 

The last thing he remembers is a loud noise, drowning out even the ghosts screeching so persistently into his ears every day.  
There is the loud noise, an impact and a bright, white light. He feels something breaking more than he hears it, feels his intestines contorting into places they shouldn't be, pushed to the side by broken bone. It's not a nice feeling. Hurts like a motherfucker (Mom always reminds them not to swear, but Klaus is dead, so he thinks he should be allowed now). 

After that, the light and the pain, he always thought, would come nothing. Finally some blissful quiet.  
At least until he joins the mindless horde of ghosts that tormented his short life. 

It doesn't stay quiet for long. 

Klaus wakes up with a scream, or rather, he tries to scream, and finds his mouth filled with plastic.  
It's dark and warm and there really isn't much room to even breathe. Klaus trashes inside the plastic bag - they bagged him, Klaus realizes. He has seen it before, whenever the clean up crews would arrive after a mission. 

"I'm gonna die again", he thinks, "I just came back to life"  
A little frustrating, but maybe it's not so bad.  
He met god, when he died, and she didn't like him much.  
But the forest is big enough, he could probably avoid bumping into her again. 

Klaus closes his eyes, there's nothing much to see anyway, just a few lighter spots in the darkness where the fabric is thinner.  
He closes his eyes and he waits to suffocate, the plastic persistently clinging to his mouth every time he tries to breathe. It stinks, too.

For almost ten seconds, all he can hear is his shallow breath and the wailing of a few ghosts outside the tight wrapping of the plastic. 

"Fascinating", Reginald's voice that cuts through the quiet is muffled, but Klaus would recognize it anywhere. He hears it inside his head even when his adoptive father isn't around. 

To Klaus' absolute displeasure the bag holding his not-so-dead corpse is suddenly being ripped open.  
Maybe it should scare him, how willing he was to stay dead, although he didn't even realize that until now.  
But now he is just upset it didn't work and he has to see Reggie's face again, frowning down at him, while Klaus tries to get his eyes accustomed to the bright light. 

"Of course", Reginald mutters to himself  
"Of course, Number Four!"  
For once he almost seems pleased with Klaus. 

He grabs Klaus' arm (Klaus doesn't remember his Father ever really touching him) and pulls him up into a sitting position.  
Klaus' entire body is stiff, it takes almost a minute before he can unclench his fist again, and he feels like something inside him tears whenever he tries to move. Even breathing hurts, his chest and lungs too stiff to expand properly. 

Meanwhile Father is prodding him with IVs and attaching electrodes to his head, muttering to himself.  
"How are you feeling, Number Four?", Reginald asks, a mad glimmer in his eyes. 

Klaus swallows.  
Everything hurts, he thinks, and he is really tired.  
All he really wants is a cup of hot chocolate and maybe a hug from Mom before curling up below his blankets and sleeping for the next few days.

He shivers.  
He is really cold, he realizes.  
But his father has never looked so pleased with him, and Klaus doesn't want to ruin it now.  
"Okay", he finally replies, voice raspy.  
But Reginald doesn't seem to be listening, he keeps muttering to himself.  
Then he twists with an ease one wouldn't expect from someone his age.  
"POGO", he yells through the intercom, holding down the button with his free hand "Pogo, come down to the morgue immediately!" 

Why do we have a morgue?, Klaus wonders to himself, and tries to get comfortable on the cold, hard metal surface. 

Father and Pogo spend three hours taking Klaus' vitals, taking blood samples, checking his reflexes, hooking him to various machines and examining every inch of his body with every method Reginald can think of.  
"No scarring", Father remarks, "No broken bones. Amazing. Temperature is a little low but - do you remember your death, Number Four?"  
Klaus, who has mostly zoned out since they stopped talking to him directly over an hour ago, startles.  
"I- I think I got blown up?", he tries to remember, but his head hurts so much he can barely think straights.  
His ears are ringing and he keeps seeing the blinding white light. 

"The grenade missed you", Reginald corrects him, and he says it in a way like that's Klaus' fault, "but the impact knocked you off the building. It wasn't very high, though"  
"I met god", Klaus says.  
He doesn't really want to know how he died. It seems bad enough that it happened at all, but Father doesn't seem to mind.  
Reginald frowns "Well, I have to admit that is surprising" 

//

Finally Klaus is allowed to go back upstairs.  
The sun is setting outside when he passes a window, he was probably dead for the majority of the day. 

His siblings seem surprised to see him.  
He walks into the kitchen late for what he is expecting to be a wake but turns out to be just the usual solemn dinner, some great philosopher of the 20th century droning on about this or that. 

"Hi", Klaus says awkwardly, as six heads snap in his direction.  
Father never taught them what one said when they returned from the dead. He was pretty sure it was weird even by Hargreeves standards. 

Ben yelps and runs to hug him, but he is the only one. The others just stare. Klaus can pretend they are just in shock and also glad he is alive. He isn't sure if that's entirely true.  
No one says anything.  
Klaus pats Ben's hair, not mentioning the wetness slowly being absorbed by his (freshly washed, since the old one had been discarded after being burned and bleed on) shirt, and smiles. 

Allison starts sobbing. 

//

Being immortal should be fun.  
It sounds cool in theory and a few months ago Klaus would have agreed with everyone who said that it was a great power, on par with Allison's reality warping and Five's jumps.

And maybe being immortal, like the vampires in the sappy novels Allison reads to him at night when he sneaks into her room, that neither of them would ever admit to any other siblings they enjoy (except for maybe Ben, at least in Klaus' case). 

But dying fucking hurts. It hurts so much, Klaus has stopped feeling guilty about swearing, even in front of mom. 

Klaus would know, because since the first time he died, he died 44 more times.  
Every time makes him wish he would have stayed dead the first time. 

Reginald is obsessed with his thought-to-be-a-failure fourth son's newly discovered power.  
He is a maniac and they have all always known that. But recently all his interest seems to be focused on Klaus. Having Reginald Hargreeves for a father isn't easy on anyone.  
But the others aren't being killed at least once a week, only Klaus. 

Things get way, way worse since when little Five runs off, gets lost somewhere in the sea of time and never resurfaces.  
There is one less member of the Academy to prod and observe now and Klaus has a suspicions Reginald is taking out on him. Maybe he misses Five's constant back talk and needs something else to release his anger and deep seated hatred at his own fucking children, Klaus thinks in his more bitter moments. 

After he fails to summon Five's ghost for the sixth time, Reginald shoots Klaus in the face. It's a first. He doesn't even warn Klaus. One second he is sitting in that horrible lab, trying really hard to call Five's spirit to him even though he is 99% sure it's pointless - and the next second there is a hole in his skull. 

Well, at least he won't stay dead for long.  
He'd rather he got shot than any of his remaining siblings, even if the Five of them were complete cunts. That thought makes it just a little more bearable when he wakes up again. 

When his father isn't doing his sweet little experiments on him, like every loving father would (Klaus is 13 but he knows his family is deeply fucked up. He knows on some level, but he doesn't quite know what to do about it) there are the missions. 

Klaus is a valuable team member now, for the first time since they started he isn't the look out.  
Instead he is the one who gets to go first every time.  
He is the lucky bastard who gets to get impaled, blown up, eaten by sharks (yes, that happened), and shot (boring in comparison).  
And then his siblings drag his corpse home and his they get ice cream but Klaus is so cold he doesn't even want ice cream.  
No one ever says anything about seeing Klaus fucking die on a regular basis, it's just another part of their weird normal. 

After dinner Father drags him downstairs again, where there are so many ghosts Klaus is almost glad he won't be alive for long down there. Still, they wail and cry and scream and shove their bloody hands in his face.  
Klaus tries his best to ignore them, because if he would acknowledge them, not only would they get louder, Father would try to make him talk to them, make him try to join them even maybe, just to see if he could. 

Father has stabbed him, electrocuted him, shot at him, drowned him, strangled him, poisoned him and decapitated him, all in the last four months.  
Every time Klaus wishes a little more it would stick. And he can't keep lying to himself forever that it will get better eventually. That he will get used to the pain. 

He never tells anyone about his thoughts, not even Ben, the one of his siblings who might actually listen. Or about what exactly his father does to him on a regular basis. He knows that would be bad with a capital B.  
Pogo is never around for these experiments, not since the first time kKlaus woke up, and that's what confirms to Klaus even Reginald knows what he's doing isn't right.  
That even Pogo, forever faithful to his master, would stop this if he knew. 

Oh, how Klaus wishes he knew.

// 

Klaus is cold all the time, and tired, and he loses the feeling in his limbs and mouth sometimes, even when he's been alive for a few days.  
When he sleeps, he dreams of death and he wakes up from his nighmares to ghosts screeching in his ears, crying and begging and wailing. Desperate for Klaus to help, release them, and Klaus doesn't have the words to explain how little he can do, when he himself is barely anchored in the world of the living anymore. 

He wakes up with bruises on his arms he doesn't remember having before, sometimes scratch marks on his face.  
The ghosts manifest, they touch him when he sleeps, and that scares the living shit out of him.  
(Father says it's because his powers are getting stronger. As far as Klaus is concerned as long as he can't shut the ghosts up, he doesn't care about his powers getting stronger. He doesn't say this, but Father scolds him about being so fearful anyway.)  
Dying never leaves a mark though. Every time he wakes up completely unblemished, hooked to machines, Reginald furiously scribbling in that horrid little notebook of his by his bedside.  
He is now trying to get Klaus to wake up quicker every time, stops the time with the same old stopwatch Vanya usually holds during training, and he asks Klaus to retell all his gruesome deaths in gory detail when he just woke up, make sure the memory is fresh. 

//

"Dad has been really easy on us recently", Diego points out one Saturday, when they are given the usual thirty minutes of free time.  
So far, Father hasn't taken that from Klaus. But he doesn't doubt if he doesn't break his record time of 1:36h to return back to life soon, Father will insist on even more private sessions that will inevitably consume what little freedom he has left too. 

"Maybe he is satisfied with us", Allison smiles proudly, she hasn't really stopped smiling since she had her first photo shoot a week ago "We have had a 100% success rate recently"  
Despite Five being gone, is left unsaid.  
Occasionally Klaus still tries to summon his ghost, at his father's command, but Five never comes, and Klaus is really happy about that. At least he got away, for better or worse. 

"Maybe we should ask Dad if we can get a free day next week", Ben suggests with a hopeful look in his eyes, "We could go to the zoo"  
He reminds Klaus of a puppy sometimes.  
"The zoo is boring", Allison argues, "Let's go to the movies" 

His siblings, idly discussing how lucky they are, make Klaus want to vomit. It's not their fault except it is.  
Just last night, his father set him on fire. He still can't get the smell of burning human flesh out of his nose.  
It's not his siblings fault but they never ask. They don't even notice how often Klaus has private training recently. 

Mind blank and vision foggy, Klaus gets up and leaves the room. Again, no one notices.  
He isn't sure where he is going, all he knows is his siblings can't see him cry.  
But if he goes to his room one of them might even care enough to check on him, and he doesn't want to see any of them. He doesn't want to lie and he doesn't want to tell them either. And likely no one would even go looking for him, so he doesn't really need to worry.  
While Klaus is spiraling his feet carry him outside. At least the air out here is clean, no ash and smoke.  
At first he wants to hide behind the huge oak tree at the very end of the Academy premises, where Luther and Diego wanted to build a tree house a few summers ago, but they never got around to it. He will just haul up there until he calms down, or maybe until dinner. Who cares if he misses afternoon training. What's dad gonna do? Kill him? Hah!  
There is a nice-ish ghost hanging around those parts too, one that doesn't scare him as much as the rest.  
She might keep him company.  
But Klaus' legs carry him further east and into the dark forest they used to play hide and seek in as kids (Five always won, the bastard) and right to the tall metal fence surrounding the estate.  
He climbs over the metal fence before he can think about it, doesn't even hurt himself with the pointy ends.  
The seconds Klaus feet hit the ground on the other side he breaks into a run.  
This must be how Five felt when he left, if he got that far. 

Klaus runs until his lungs are burning and his legs hurt.  
Then, as suddenly as it came, the energy fades out of his body and he breaks down. He sits in a dirty alleyway and cries and shivers and claws at his arms, adding bloody crescent moon-shapes to the ghostly hand prints collecting there. 

Not even the ghosts in the alley - two obvious murder victims, one with her skull cracked open, mushy brain spilling on her face - stop him from staying there for god knows how long. He can barely hear them over his own heartbeat (Klaus is very aware of his heartbeat these days, because it's the only way he can tell he did return from the dead. Ghosts don't have one. And he has felt it fade away a few too many times) 

"Hey kid, you okay? You lost your mommy?"  
A group of teens, maybe 16 or 17 (Klaus isn't very good with ages, they might be 25 for all he knows) must have heard him bawling his fucking eyes out on the dirty ground, back pressed against the overflowing trashcan. They tower above him, and Klaus doesn't dare look up, focuses on heavy combat shoes and patched jeans.  
He blinks his tears away, he didn't expect anyone to really care about his breakdown. They are alive, he thinks, living people, not ghosts. But he can't know for sure.  
When one of them asks him the same question again, he finally looks up with tear-shot eyes. He really likes their style, he thinks. Their bright, spikey hair and all the studs and patches on their clothes. They look nothing like the Academy's dreadful uniforms and the monochrome of ghosts. Two of them have bottles wrapped in brown paper bags.  
Klaus wonders if it's some odd new trend.  
Why would you wrap bottles in paper bags? He should ask Allison, she would know if that was what's hot right now. 

"No", he says torn between embarrassment and anger, either way his voice is shaking badly "I know exactly where my mom is"  
That's technically a lie. 

One of them, a girl with purple hair in two ponytails and lots of earrings, more than Klaus knew it was possible to have, kneels down in front of him.  
Klaus tries his best to look her in the eyes.  
"You don't wanna go home then?", she asks softly and Klaus wants to trust her kind smile.  
Klaus shakes his head.  
He feels stupid but he really, really doesn't want to go home right now, even though he knows he will get in trouble later.  
"Okay", the girl says, "Wanna come with us?"  
Reginald always taught them not to trust anyone.  
They got the whole stranger danger lecture after Vanya got kidnapped on her way from her violin lessons. More than that, he thinks Reginald would not approve of these people in particular. Good.

"Yeah", he quickly says, rubbing tears from his eyes, "Yeah, sure"  
Klaus almost trips over his own feet in his hurry to get up, but no one comments on it. 

He walks with the group to a nearby park.  
They introduce themselves on the way. The purple haired girl with the nice smile is named Susie, and that's her girlfriend, who has a dozen piercings not only in her ears but her face, Jill. Their friends are called Sam and Emma. They talk about bands Klaus has never heard of (or at least, he thinks those are bands), but he nods along like he understands and tries his best to memorize the names so he can ask Luther if he has any records later.  
Klaus is pretty sure they are the coolest people he has ever met, so Luther, the very opposite of cool, might not own any records of the bands they listen to because he doesn't listen to cool music.  
Sam has a motorbike, or at least he says so, and Emma's hair is all the colors of the rainbow. 

"Here we are", Sam turns to Klaus and makes a broad hand gesture, once they found a spot that, according to Susie, is the best spot in the whole park.  
It's a small alcove between tall, old trees, making them hidden from the rest of the world unless someone comes down the same trail they did. 

Sam gives Klaus the paper-wrapped bottle "You'll feel better", he promises to Klaus, whose face is still tear-stained.  
"Dude, the kid's like ten!", Susie protests and that's when Klaus realizes what's so special about their bottles. 

Four years ago Allison rumored Diego to steal something from dad and Diego returned with a fancy looking bottle of amber liquid.  
They had sometimes seen Father pour from it into an equally fancy glass in the evenings.  
The substance - single malt scotch, it said on the label in old-timey-looking dark letters (alcohol, explained Five, because he had always been the smartest) - smelled horrible and tasted even worse, but they all drank it anyway, because otherwise Diego's stunt would have been for nothing.  
It burned all the way down. Not only did it taste horrible, it hurt.  
But it made you all giddy and light and carefree, or at least that's the conclusion Klaus came to, once they had split it, more or less equally, seven ways. 

Dad had torn them a new one for stealing that bottle and getting even poor little Vanya drunk, so they had never touched his stach again - but here was Klaus' opportunity to feel that good again, even if none of his siblings seemed to particularly miss the very odd sensation of consuming alcohol. 

"I'm thirteen", he tells Susie confidently, and takes a big swig from the bottle.  
Klaus might have over-calculated.  
Unlike dad's scotch, this sustance has little to no taste and burns even worse.  
It is like drinking gasoline.  
Klaus makes a face and coughs, but keeps it all down. The others laugh, but it doesn't really feel like they are mocking him.  
"Don't worry, kid", Emma promises, taking an easy swig from the bottle, she makes it look elegant even, Klaus is in awe "You'll get used to it" 

It is dark when they leave the park.  
Before they part ways - Klaus can barely stand. He has definitely had more this time then years ago with the scotch. The world is spinning in circles around him and he is nauseous, but he has never been so happy in his life; he insists he doesn't need them to take him home, he doesn't want them to know who he is - Susie slips a piece of paper into his now dirt-stained uniform jacket.  
"I don't know what's life like for you at home, Klaus", she whispers into his ear as she hugs him. She smells like vodka and something cinnamon-y "But call me if you ever need help" 

Of course Klaus' little adventure is discovered as soon as he steps onto Academy grounds.  
Pogo is waiting by the gate, effectively ruining Klaus' plan to sneak through the window and avoid getting scolded at least until morning when he is mostly-sober. "Master Klaus", he says, voice stern. He isn't meeting Klaus' eyes, but Klaus is so out of it he doesn't notice.  
Pogo leads him straight to Sir Reginald's office. He doesn't say a word, just looks at Klaus sadly before knocking on the door and letting Klaus in.  
Klaus' drunk brain can't quite comprehend what his father is saying.  
Something about disappointment, and wasting his potential.  
But Klaus is getting really, really dizzy, now, and, oh god, he doesn't feel good at all. There is this awful taste in his mouth and his organs seem to be trying to rearrange themselves, twisting inside his body.  
His stomach clenches.  
Klaus vaguely remembers throwing up all over the Persian rug, after that things get really dark. 

//

Surprisingly, that night is the best sleep he gets in a while, maybe the best sleep he has ever had.  
And even in the morning the world seems oddly quiet.  
It takes Klaus a while to realize it's the ghosts that are missing. 

He does feel like utter shit, a hangover, he guesses, but it is worth it. 

"Where did you go yesterday?", Diego asks first thing in the morning.  
All his other siblings miraculously pause their conversations to listen. So they did notice. How cute.  
"Oh, you know", Klaus gestures vaguely, "out with some friends"  
He leaves it that, enjoying seeing his siblings envy him for once. None of them have friends, not even Allison, who is definitely the most socially competent and is out a lot for photo shootings and other fancy things, or Vanya, who is actually allowed a life outside the Academy, even if only to go to violin lessons. Klaus technically doesn't have friends either, but they don't need to know that. 

His happiness (despite the hangover making him nauseous, unable to stomach breakfast, and, fuck, he was is thirsty but no matter how much water he drinks his mouth is dry and tastes gross; he is happy, for the first time since he died, he feels almost carefree) doesn't last long.  
Father calls for him right after breakfast, which Klaus has spent stabbing at the pancakes he didn't eat until they were a mountain of crumbs on his plate, and Klaus already knows what is coming for him.  
Punishment. 

"I have realized", Reginald starts when Klaus arrives in lab 3, "That your ... offense yesterday, presents us with an opportunity to further test the limits of your ability. Alcohol poisons the body, Number Four"  
Klaus thinks he sounds a bit too much like a children show's Dracula, but doesn't dare to crack a smile.  
"And I will not allow you to do such a thing ever again", Reginald continues, "but your current state"  
Klaus looks at his reflection in the glass seperating lab 3 from 4. He doesn't think he looks so bad.  
Paler than usual maybe, even though he hadn't thought that was possible.  
The dark bags below his eyes addcharacter in his opinion, almost look like Allison's eyeshadow, and his lips are darker than usual, like he is wearing lipstick. For once, he doesn't see a dead person in his reflection.  
"Allows me to observe how well your resurrection will work if your body is weakened", Reginald's hands twitch, like he wants to rub them together like some scheming villain from a Bond movie (Allison, ever since she decided she wants to be an actress, had made them all watch a lot of movies. Klaus usually enjoys them a lot more than his other siblings do) 

Again, Klaus doesn't really think of himself as majorly weakened at the moment.  
Battle injuries are far worse. Or that time he broke his jaw - now then he had been weak for sure.  
No, Father just wants to punish him. 

"Do you have a plan b?", he asks, despite himself, while Reginald straps him to the chair - electrocution, again, how original. 

"Plan b?", his father repeats. He almost sounds surprised.  
What kind of nonsense? is written all over his face, but he has started to take Klaus' babbling a little more seriously ever since he discovered he is sorta-immortal, and therefore useful.  
"Well if this does kill me", Klaus explained, "Since, you know, I'm weak and all"  
He knows that last bit is overshooting it. He doesn't care.  
His father can only murder him so many times before Klaus stops craving his love, or at least recognition, it seems.  
He feels oddly smug.  
"No", Reginald replies plainly and flips the switch. 

// 

He calls Susie three weeks after they first met, late at night, out of his bed after curfew, from the landline in the kitchen  
Father is away for business, and in the meantime Klaus had died 17 more times, making his total 62 times, and, well, Klaus feels like a little rebellion is appropriate. Or maybe it is a celebration.  
Who can say they had died over 50 times? Right, no one. 

Susie and her friends take him to a party this time. He is definitely the youngest there, ages ranging from 16 to way over 30, but no one seems to mind.  
Most of the people have spikey, colorful hair, piercings and patches and safety pins on there jackets.  
Most importantly, they have lots and lots of alcohol. Klaus isn't using his friends as means to an end, he likes them, but he has to admit what he is really looking forward to is the buzz.  
He starts with a beer, but it tastes worse than the vodka he had last time.  
Well, not much worse, but beer has low alcohol content and was therefore not worth it.  
Emma takes him to the bar - the party is taking place at an abandoned factory, the bar has been build of industrial bins and old planks, and someone stringed fairy lights around it.  
It is the greatest thing Klaus has ever seen. 

Behind the bar a girl with long, dark hair and a guy with a green mohawk (Sam told him that's what that hair style is called) are serving drinks and break neck speed  
There are plenty of people in line but no one seems to be particularly minding the wait, idly dancing to the loud music or trying to chat with each other, yelling in the process.  
When it is finally Klaus' turn he gets a little overwhelmed, but Emma orders something for him and then pays, too. At first Klaus thinks she is making fun of him when he gets what seems like an ordinary glass of orange juice, but it tastes just different enough for him to know it is not just orange juice. After two more screwdrivers, as they are called, Klaus' brain is buzzing with all that new information, this new experience to take in, and four green shots that taste like mouth wash that a guy in a denim vest buys for him (he arrived with twenty dollars in his pocket he hasn't had the chance to spend yet, which was good, because that meant he can return them to Allison's dresser without her being any the wiser) Klaus is almost flying again.  
The music might be a bit too loud and angry for his taste, but he dances along anyway, awkwardly mimicking the bodies around him. He spills his beer (Sam gave it to him when he left to piss and Klaus hasn't seen him since, so it is his beer now) everywhere in the process, but no one seems to mind.  
The ghosts, if there are any, look the same as everyone else under the flickering lights. The music drowns out their screams and in between all those living, breathing, moving bodies, Klaus isn't freezing anymore. 

Somehow he ends up at a gas station at 3am with his new friends.  
Sam dragged them here and Klaus is way too drunk and happy to argue.  
In the back of his mind a voice that sounds suspiciously like his father reminds him he really should be getting back to the Academy. It's easy to ignore. 

"What 're we doin' here?", he slurs at Sam, who keeps dragging him along.  
"You'll see", Sam promises.  
He seems much, much more sober than Klaus.  
But he keeps fidgeting and Klaus notices a few bills tightly clenched in his fist.  
Behind the gas station there is a guy.  
Klaus is really tired and drunk, and he wouldn't have payed attention to him otherwise, because when Klaus sees people, chances are they are dead anyway. If he mentions them to anyone else he looks like a freak, even to his own siblings, who ought to know Klaus isn't making them up.  
But Sam sees the guy too and walks straight towards him, while Klaus and the other two - he hasn't met them before, and he doesn't remember their names - stay behind.  
Klaus can't quite hear what they are saying, but a few moments later Sam slides something into his pocket and quickly walks back out of the alley, the other following him a few moments later but turning in another direction.

They end up in the park once more, while the sun is slowly rising at the horizon.  
Klaus hasn't been paying attention to what was Sam is doing, but suddenly he hands him something that looks like a particularly thick cigarette.  
Klaus has tried cigarettes before, once or twice, the last time at the very party they have just left.  
Nicotine goes well with the buzz, but it makes him a little queasy too.  
Klaus takes it and then the lighter Sam offers him. He awkwardly lights it, fingers a little numb from the cold. It tasted entirely different than a cigarette, kind of herbal, and it burns a lot worse too.  
Weed, a surprisingly alert part of his mind supplied, this is weed.  
The four of them share the joint on a park bench, watching the sunrise. The world seems soft and rose-tainted. 

"I have to go home", Klaus says with a sigh, when he notices the first business people pass them. The joint is long smoked up and the conversation died down. But he doesn't really want to get up. Somehow, he manages, turning to wave at the guys. 

"Okay", Sam waves back at him "You got our number!" 

//

Being high is entirely different from being drunk. Better.  
Klaus calls Susie again just four days later, the evening before Reginald is going to return from his trip, but this time he asks for Sam's number, and then he calls Sam and asks him where he got the weed. How to get some.  
Sam sighs on the other end of the line "I like you, man. But you're really young, I shouldn't have given you that shit"  
"C'mon, Sam, please", Klaus' voice shakes a little.  
He hasn't slept a wink that night because the ghosts kept him awake and once Reginald returns, it is going to be back to one on one training and dying.  
"I guess I'd be a hypocrite", Sam finally gives in after several minutes of Klaus' half coherent beginning "Meet tonight in the park?"  
"Thank you so much!", Klaus jumps in the air a little in excitement, and notices a little to late he had shrieked rather loudly into the phone. No one seems to have heard.  
At least, he has something to look forward to now. 

// 

They stop a robbery in a grocery store once.  
It's even on purpose (the Umbrella Academy doesn't concern themselves with lowely grocery store robbers. It had to be flashier, like museums and national monuments).  
They sneak out to get donuts when Father is having a very important meeting in his office one afternoon. It is the first time in a while Klaus is actually spending time with his siblings.  
Mostly he agrees to come along because he is out of drugs.  
On their way back from Griddy's (donuts aren't as good as weed, Klaus thinks privately, not even Griddy's), they stumble upon the crime  
A few measly robbers are no feat for the inauguration class of the Umbrella Academy.  
Luther drops his donut though, which is a shame. 

He and Diego take them all out seconds and Allison rumored them to turn themselves in and the dumbfounded robbers are waiting in the parking lot when the police arrives. Probably marveling about their shit luck running into the Umbrella Academy kids on what was supposed to be an easy gig. 

Klaus, Vanya and Ben mostly just stand around as everything goes down, watching.  
Vanya is terrified, of course, she isn't used to this, and Ben is just relieved he doesn't have to unleash the horror. Klaus is relieved he doesn't get shot.  
None of his siblings pay much attention to Klaus when he slips a bottle of vodka into his sleeve.  
He is out of weed and has already spend his measly allowance, he needs this.  
And after all he just saved this store from being robbed. Well, he didn't do anything, but his siblings aren't going to take anything for saving that poor cashier's life, so Klaus might as well enjoy a little bonus. 

//

He starts branching out to other drugs eventually. Weed is great and all, it helps him sleep, but there is so much amazing stuff out there. Klaus kind of wants to try it all. 

He has died over two hundred times already, 215 to be exact. 

Their fifteenth birthday comea and goes, and Klaus just adds another notch to his bed post. 

In one of his more patient moments, Reginald explains to Klaus that he is the doorway between the living and the dead. He says it like that is supposed to mean something, something grand and dramatic. Klaus thinks about the pills hidden in his pillow case. 

"Confront death", Reginald mutters, over and over, goes as far as drilling it into Klaus while he is training with his siblings, who don't question it much "Confront death"  
Well, Klaus can make a little sense of it, he has learned a thing or two about humans and shitty humans in particular during all those nights he sneaks out. In his father's twisted mind, if Klaus only dies often enough, if he only familiarizes himself with death, with every gruesome way one can leave this world - he will be able to control it. And, eventually, be able to bring others back from the dead. And that is where it gets interesting for Reginald, Klaus suspects, for purely selfish reasons and not the saving the world thing he always is so proud of.  
The gift of life - now that is something that will give him power over everyone in this fucking world.  
Klaus can practically see him salivate thinking about all the dusty old politicians he will be able to manipulate if only his disappointing son would finally learn to control his powers.  
These are just things he contemplates when he is painfully sober.  
Klaus finds it was the easiest not to care about his father's experiments at this point.  
As long as he is high enough, that is possible.  
Whenever he returns from the dead - it never gets easier, or less painful, dying, and it never got easier, waking up.  
It feels like pulling himself out of a swamp by his hair. Some guy did that, in a book Ben read to him once. Weird that Klaus still remembers it. 

Maybe he would be trying harder to let death claim him, trying to convince that annoying little girl to let him stay in the swamp, if he didn't have something to numb himself with the rest of the time, to drown out the ghosts, and the pain, and the cold that never leaves him alone anymore.

For along time Klaus is unaware of overdosing, even though he pops pills like nobody's business most days. The overdoses must be frequent, but he can hardly tell the difference between dying and simply passing out. He figures there is none for him.  
Until one day he already died twice.  
His siblings are out on a mission, but Reginald graciously allowed Klaus to stay behind, of course, so he can kill him again. To Klaus' siblings, it's because of his by now very obvious substance abuse, but Reginald doesn't give a shit about that. As long as Klaus is complicit in his experiments, he doesn't care about anything else. And if anything, Klaus habits only serve in his favor, isolating him from his siblings, the Academy, and Reginald can play his twisted games all day.  
Now he trying to find the limit to Klaus' resurrection, test how often he can kill his adopted son before he stays dead.  
Two years ago Klaus asked if Reginald has a plan b.  
There is no plan b and Klaus really doesn't mind anymore.  
The moment he awakes from drowning, hair still damp, his father points a gun at his head and shots him.  
When Klaus wakes up again, Reginald simply remarks that it has taken longer this time. Almost four hours. Disappointing, Number Four.  
Klaus just nods, and then goes up to his room, where a baggy of coke is calling his name.  
He doesn't stop after the first four lines though, takes a few colorful pills his dealer gave him as a bonus to his last order, does a few more lines and then finishes it off nicely with a bottle of gin. He doesn't notice how much he is taking, what substances he is mixing. Pops sleeping pills he stole from the pharmacy (which prompted mom to lock up the medicine cabinet) because it is still not enough.  
He just wants to feel warm for once, he is so, so cold.  
Klaus feels like he was closer to the dead then the living, but not in the way daddy dearest wants him to be.  
The crying ghosts are the least of his worries these days. Funny how things change.  
His siblings can't even stand to look at him these days.  
Maybe he is starting to rot on the inside and they can tell. 

Klaus wakes up in the infirmary, almost a day later.  
No one wants to speak to him after that event. He doesn't go on missions anymore, not even as a look out. He still dies a lot and he still sneaks out at night to do riskier and riskier shit. The only one in the house who still talks to him with anything else than disgust in his voice is Ben.  
Sweet, loyal Ben.

Ben, who dies half a year later  
Goes out on a mission with Luther and never returns. There is no body to bury. 

The funeral, empty, white marble casket, is a quiet affair. 

It is in the papers - BELOVED TEENAGE HERO TRIES TRAGIC DEATH - The Horror, known from the Umbrella Academy, dies during mission - with a nice, old picture of Ben, rosy-checked and smiling. 

He didn't smiling, he died ripped apart by the monster crawling beneath his skin.  
Luther only barely saved himself. 

The paparazzi are crowding outside the gates, yelling and clicking their cameras relentlessly. They remind Klaus of the ghosts. 

Reginald commissions a statue of Ben to be put in the yard, like that means anything.  
Like he cares. 

No amount of drugs and alcohol is ever enough after that.  
When Klaus returns to his room after the joke of a funeral, he starts drinking with the intention to die. 

You could have saved him, he thinks.  
Takes another gulp.  
If only you tried harder.  
Another.  
Father is right. 

He feels sick, the taste makes him gag but he keeps it down. Opens the next bottle. 

He isn't sure about coming back this time, he isn't planning to anyway, but he figures he probably was will.  
At least he won't have to feel anything for a few hours. It will be quiet. 

But the pain is just as real when he wakes up, in his own bed, the sun rising outside his window, mocking him.  
So Klaus shoves more pills down his throat, swallows them dry and unscrews the bottle again. 

He stops counting his deaths after that.

**Author's Note:**

> every time i write abt klaus' substance abuse i tend 2 write an extreme version of my own experiences except i never got into drugs so thts y tht bit always sounds fake af  
> anyway hope u guys enjoyed this shit fest <3


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